Mass Effect Movie Night
by Ajer0695
Summary: Inspired by the Movie Night sequence from Andromeda, this will be an ongoing series of one-shots as the crew of the tempest watch some classic (or really bizarre) movies.
1. Star Wars Ep IV

STAR WARS EP IV: A New Hope

The iconic blue words appeared on the black screen.

 _A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…_

Then the music erupted as the title of the movie panned back from the camera towards a starry sky.

 _STAR WARS_

"Wait a sec, episode four?" Drack asked slumped on the right side of the couch, a bottle of beer in his hands.

"Why are we starting at episode 4?" he asked.

"Because everybody knows episode 4 is the REAL first movie," Liam said with a smile, seated on the left arm of the couch, "Not that bore fest called Phantom Menace!"

"Well, I actually LIKE that one," Suvi piped up, sitting on a chair just next to the couch, "I honestly found the world building and political background of the galaxy quite interesting!"

"Oh, YOU would!" Cora said with a scoff, slumped on the floor with her back pressed to the couch.

"Guys, relax!" Sara Ryder said with smile, seated next to Drax and between Lexi, "Let's not have any fan arguments ruin the experience! Many of us haven't seen any of these movies before."

"Besides, we'll get to the prequels eventually," Scott Ryder said. He was standing right behind Suvi, leaning on one of Sara's chairs.

The stormtroopers had just broken into the ship and started blasting all the rebel soldiers.

"Nope. Nope. Nope," Vetra scoffed as he leaned on the couch between Ryder and Lexi, "There's no way these guys took over the galaxy with clunky armor like that!"

"Well it's not just the armor," Gil said sitting on a chair behind the couch, "You have to consider they have both the numbers, the strategy, the training…"

A stormtrooper randomly shot at something offscreen.

"Oh yes," Lexi said sarcastically, "LOTS of training."

Darth Vader had just emerged from the smoke, the iconic breathing reverberating from the surround sound system.

"Heh. He sounds like your snoring Jaal," Peebee said with a snicker. Jaal, standing cross armed next to Liam, just scoffed.

"No it does not," he said, "I do not snore like that."

"Yeah you do!" Peebee said as she sat on the floor leaning on Kallo, "You're like-" She then proceeded to mimic Jaal's snoring, which is basically Darth Vader's breathing but with more nose snorting.

"Yeah, but if this guy proves one thing, leaders need a cape," Cora said. Everyone turned to face Sara.

"Uh, no," Sara said, "In our line of work, capes are not practical."

"There are actually capes specifically designed for battle," Kallo pointed out.

"I am NOT wearing a cape," Sara said more sternly.

The escape pod containing R2-D2 and C3PO launched. Imperials spot the pod, but the commanding officer told them not to fire. Corra groaned.

"Really?" she said irritated, "You're a powerful, evil empire who use fear as your controlling force and yet you don't shoot an escape pod because nobody's in it? You deserve to be overthrown!"

"Relax kid," Drack said, "Even evil empires have rules of conduct they follow. Even if they are incredibly stupid."

R2-D2 and C3PO are in the desert planet of Tatooine. As they talk, Jaal turns to the others.

"So I am assuming that have some form of AI like Sam?" he asked. Liam thought about it for a bit.

"I...think so?" he finally said, "They never really explain that."

"Oh come on!" Suvi said with a chuckle, "It's a fantasy world where sentient robots and people live together in harmony. Just go with it."

"The only thing I'm focusing on is that little blue robot!" Peebee said, "Look at him! He's so cute!"

"Hm, that little machine does have its charm," Jaal admitted.

"You know," Scott said to Peebee, "those two really remind of you and Jaal."

"Huh?"

"Nothing!" he quickly said.

Eventually, R2 and C3PO meet up with Luke Skywalker. Luke has just discovered the holographic message.

"Okay, how exactly is that working?" Lexi said with confusion, "I've seen holographic booths before. There are hundreds of cameras everywhere. How could she have recorded this?"

"Maybe she recorded it ahead of time in case of emergency?" Sara suggested.

"Huh," Liam said impressed, "Never actually thought of it like that."

"Perhaps understanding the value of her mission..." Jaal began.

"...she planned a contingency plan..." Liam continued.

"...recorded the message…"

"...made R2 aware…"

"...that if something happens follow secret protocols!" Jaal and Liam finished together, laughing at their identical thinking.

The group continued to watch, until they reached the scene where Ben Kenobi brought Luke to his hideout. He gave Luke his lightsaber, which he activated and swung for a bit.

"Okay, how come we have omni-blades but we don't have THAT?" Vetra asked in amazement.

The scene continued as Ben began talking to Luke about the Force.

"Interesting," Jaal mused, "There's a variation of Angara religion very similar to this. They call it Anav de Vanav, 'Many as One.' It stays true to the central Angaran belief of reincarnation, but beliefs that living Angara are reincarnated from one mother many centuries ago."

"Do you believe that?" Sara asked curiously.

"No," Jaal said stiffly, "The big question is fails to acknowledge is 'Where is the father?'"

The movie continued, and they see the first appearance of Han Solo.

"Now this guy was my childhood hero!" Gil said, "I learned everything him from him. Charm, smooth talking, swag."

"Really? I always thought you got love advice from a krogan," Drack said before letting a deep laugh.

"No seriously!" Gil said, "This guy taught me swag!"

"Alright then, you be Solo, I'll be the green guy," Sara said as she stood up and walked to the side of the screen. Gil also stood and walked to the other side. They made sure they were positioned so that Gil was on Solo's side and Sara was on Greedo's side.

"Going somewhere Solo?" Sara said. She pinched her nose so that she sounded like Greedo.

"Yes Greedo, as a matter of fact I was just going to see your boss. Tell Jabba that I've got his money," Gil said, pulling off his best Han Solo impression.

They continued the scene and once it concluded, with Sara falling over like she got shot, the crew applauded.

"Thank you, thank you," Gil said smugly with a bow.

"Actually we're applauding at Ryder's alien impression," Peebee said.

They continued watching the movie. They laughed when the Stormtrooper failed at a locked door, and the non-human crew gasped at the destruction of Alderaan (though Kallo was more concerned about the fact that they could hear an explosion despite a vacuum of space). Eventually, they got to the scene where Luke and Han executed their risky plan to save Leia.

"This is a very terrible plan," Liam said.

"Didn't we use a similar trojan horse approach before?" Sara said to Liam with a raised eyebrow.

"No, THAT was genius," Liam said.

"I didn't know genius meant impulsive and brash," Lexi said with a smug smile.

"Wait, wait, Cora let's do this scene!"

"No!" Cora said sternly.

"Come on!" Liam said.

"Do it!" Sara teased. Cora sighed and approved.

"Everything's under control! Situation normal!" Liam said.

"What happened?" Cora continued.

"Uh, just had a slight weapon's malfunction. We're fine here. How are you?"

The movie finally reached to the epic moment, where the X-Wing squadron fought off against the Death Star.

"Now those ships I want to fly!" Kallo said with eyes of wonder.

"What I want to question though is why do they have to do this whole space battle and risk all these pilots?" Gil asked, "Just have one engineer sneak in, cut life support, problem solved!"

"Too easy!" Cora said, "Otherwise we won't get a climax!"

The Death Star eventually exploded. The award ceremony transitioned to the end credits, and the crew applauded.

"Kid, I'll give you this," Drack said to Sara, "You humans sure has a very goofy look at space travel back then."

"Was that a compliment?" Sara asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Hell yeah it was!"

"I will confess, it wasn't as silly as some of the other vids we've seen," Lexi admitted.

"But are you sure this wasn't a spiritual film?" Jaal asked.

"With guns, laser swords, and silly robots?" Vetra replied.

"Point taken."

"Well if you'll excuse me," Peebee said as she stood up, "I'm going to take some scrap and try building that R2 robot!"

"I'm not exactly looking forward to how that's going to look," Cora said.


	2. Star Wars Ep V

**Hey guys! So a couple of you have wrote reviews that include requests for certain movies. Here's the thing, when I first got this idea, it was going to be strictly on the Star Wars movies, but these reviews showed me that people are interested in seeing the Tempest crew react to classic movies. I'll be doing one more Star Wars movie, Ep 6, in order to complete the Star Wars Original Trilogy, but I really appreciate more suggestions in the future! Please, review this story! Give me pointers to how I can improve my writing and throw in a request for a movie you want to see me tackle! I'll hopefully get around to watching it and continue making more chapters out of more movies! Thanks a bunch and enjoy!**

* * *

STAR WARS EP V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Once again, the blue words appeared on the screen and the triumphant music began. The famous yellow text crawl rolled down the screen. Later, a meteorite struck Hoth, and we meet Luke.

"Ah, the rebel base is on an ice planet," Jaal said, "Almost like Veold."

"Why do rebels against an empire always like to hide on ice planets?" Peebee asked, "First Voeld, now this?"

"Well to be fair, nobody would think to look at a desolate ice planet," Liam shrugged.

"Making it EXACTLY the first place you look," Cora groaned, "I'm actually surprised the Empire didn't find these guys sooner."

Suddenly, a Wampa attack. It surprises most of the audience. Peebee turned to face Lexi.

"Doc, did I just hear you yelp?" she asked.

"No!" Lexi said quickly, "I did not yelp!"

"You yelped!" she said with a sly smile.

"That would be unprofessional," Lexi said. Peebee just shrugged as she continued to watch the movie. Luke eventually escaped the Wampa's cave and fell onto the snow. Sometime later, the ghost of Obi-wan appeared.

"I've come to haunt you!" Scott said in a creepy voice. Suvee just hushed him. The ghost of Obi-wan told Luke to go to Dagobah and find Yoda to learn more of the force.

"And you're telling him this NOW?" Gil asked, "I mean, how long has it been since the last movie?"

"A couple years?" Sara suggested.

"...And not ONCE did the old guy appear to Luke and told him to visit Dagobah? Not ONCE?"

"We get it!" Liam said annoyed. Han Solo finally showed up on his Tauntaun, who eventually died. Han used Luke's lightsaber to slice open its belly, and stuffed Luke inside the creature.

"Okay, I don't think I wanted to see that," Suvee said as she diverted her eyes from the scene.

"In Voeld, the Resistance is taught a similar tactic with Wraiths should they find themselves stranded at night with no heater," Jaal said, "Wraiths may seem monsterous, but their innards are surprisingly comfortable."

"That's nothing!" Drack said with a chuckle, "One time, almost a century ago, I was stuck naked in the wastelands of Tuchanka, so I had to gut myself inside a Thresher Maw!"

"Excuse me," Suvi said as she got up, "I'm going to go to the bathroom to lose my lunch." As Suvi came back from the bathroom, the Rebels had just found Luke and Han, and they stored Luke in a Bacta Tank.

"Uh, how does this healing device work?" Jaal asked. Everyone was silent.

"I got nothing," Gil said with a shrug.

After some bickering, which was greeted with a lot of snickers from the viewers, the Empire had found the Rebels, and a desperate battle to ensure the Rebels evacuate has begun. The massive AT-AT's arrive on the icy planet of Hoth.

"Um, those seem incredibly unsafe," Kallo said, "Their legs are too skinny! What if they were trying to walk on unstable ground?"

"By the way, how do they even get up there? I never saw a ladder or a hatch or anything," Scott added. The battle continued, with Luke using the harpoon of his speeder to trip one of the AT-AT's.

"See?" Kallo said pointing at the screen, "That's what I was talking about!" A speeder fired on it and it blew up.

"Ah, and it blows up!" Cora said sarcastically, "Didn't just say a minute ago that they're too tough for blasters?"

"AT-AT Walkers ladies and gentlemen," Liam with a smile, "The Empire's most powerful and impractical weapons in the entire Star Wars saga!" The battle concluded as Luke and Han go their separate ways. We witness an intense flying chase through the asteroid field.

"I have to admit, whoever can somehow weave THAT bucket of bolts through an asteroid field like this and come out without a scratch deserves my respect," Kallo said impressed.

"Bucket of bolts?" Gil said offended, "That's the MILLENNIUM FALCON you're talking about!" Kallo looked back at Gil confused.

"Didn't I say I respect whoever can fly it?" he asked.

"You did, but you DON'T call the Millennium Falcon a bucket of bolts!"

"Guys!" Sara called out, "Can we please NOT have another argument between you two?"

"Sorry Sara," Kallo said. Gil also apologized. Luke in the meantime had just crashed on the planet Dagobah and after setting up camp, they eventually meet the little green alien called Yoda.

"I like this guy," Peebee said in response to his comedic antics, "He's just as cute as the R2 robot!"

"He kind of reminds me of you," Cora said, "Load, annoying, never listens to anybody-"

"HEY!" Peebee said offended. Eventually it's revealed that the little green alien is none other than Master Yoda himself. This caught some of the viewers off guard.

"I'm confused," Jaal asked, "Who is this Yoda again?"

"The little green guy apparently," Wrex said.

"Should I take back my cute statement?" Peebee asked.

"I'm talking back the 'reminds me of you' thing," Cora said, "No way you're smart enough or calm enough for this."

"Really? And you are?" Peebee said accusingly.

"I swear I will send you both to your rooms," Sara growled angrily.

Meanwhile the Millennium Falcon has landed on the city of Bespin. While some of the viewers were questioning the concept of a floating city and how difficulty that would be to make, Drack was more concerned about the character Lando Calrissian.

"He's a traitor," he just said.

"What?" Lexi asked confused.

"Come on, a rich guy whose old friend of Han invites him and two strangers with open arms despite him apparently having a history of cheating off of him," he said, "I've seen enough people to know when someone's going to stab you in the back."

The movie then cuts back to Luke as he trains with Yoda. Eventually, the iconic scene arrives where Yoda uses the force to lift the X-Wing out of the swamp. At the conclusion of that moment, Lexi, Kallo, Jaal, and Peebee slow clapped in amazement.

"Cora, do you think your biotics could achieve that?" Jaal asked.

"My biotics are honed mainly at offensive strikes and a bit of defense," Cora said, "But probably."

"Ten credits say I can do it with the Nomad," Peebee piped up.

"Make it twenty and you got a bet!" Cora said.

"Well my money's on Cora," Gil said, "Not because I think she can do it, but because I know she won't break the Nomad."

We cut back to Cloud City, as Lando takes Han and Leia to dinner. But Darth Vader was waiting and stormtroopers surround them.

"Called it!" Drack said.

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in old man," Vetra said. The movie then leads to the infamous scene with Han Solo being frozen in carbonite. Lando checks on Han, who's still alive.

"Not to ruin the moment, but shouldn't frozen carbon kill him?" Suvi asked, "I mean, we are talking about dry ice."

"If you're suggesting Han Solo gets killed I will personally flay you alive with my mind!" Peebee growled.

"Gotta admit though, that's a strong way to go," Drack said solemnly, "Just admitting to the person you love that you'll always love her? That takes guts."

"It's quite romantic," Lexi said.

"Huh?" Drack asked not paying attention.

"Nothing!" Lexi said quickly.

The scene cuts back to Luke, who after having an argument with Yoda (an argument even the viewers admit was a bad idea), he has arrived at Cloud City, eventually coming face to face with Darth Vader. The lightsaber fight commenced, with many of the viewers clenching their fists or holding their breath in anticipation. Eventually, the fight ended with Luke's arm cut off. Peebee flinched at this as she grabbed her hand. Then came the infamous line.

 _No, I am your father!_

"I'm sorry what?" Peebee asked, clearly shocked.

"He said what now?" Vetra followed.

"How?" Kallo asked shocked.

"I...uh…" Jaal didn't know what to say, "It's like...if I found out my father was Kett...I think I might start crying." Even when the movie officially ended, this wall that was in their brains.

"I have so many questions about this!" Peebee exclaimed.

"Please tell me this is some kind of con or something?" Vetra said.

"I'm not spoiling it," Liam said, "You want the answers, you're going to have the see the next one!"

"Well, let's do it now!" Peebee said loudly, "Please, please, please!"

"Ah why not?" Scott said, "It's the last of the original trilogy."

"Pop it on Liam!" Sara said, and Liam did so.


	3. Star Wars Ep VI

**This one is a lot shorter than the others particularly because I felt this movie wasn't really that eventful. But hey, at least I have finished the original Star Wars Trilogy. Now my next entries will be as follows. To prepare for Alien Covenant, I'll be watching the first two Alien movies. After those, I'll get around to some requests, including Braveheart, Pulp Fiction, and Princess Bride.**

* * *

STAR WARS EP VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI

The movie began once again with the iconic score and text crawl.

"Really?" Cora said, "Another Death Star? Yeah! Because that worked SO well the last time!"

"Eh, you know that human saying?" Peebee shrugged, "If at first you don't succeed, try again."

After a relatively uneventful meeting on the Death Star, the movie cuts to Tatooine as C3PO and R2D2 have just the entered the lair of the notorious Jabba the Hutt. Jabba had just refused Luke's offer to give up Han Solo, but took the two droids. Sara suddenly snickered.

"What?" Lexi said, somewhat concerned.

"Nothing," Sara said, "I just had this funny image in my head of Sloane Kelly in slug like body like this guy!" Then Liam cracked up, along with Drack.

"That is actually pretty good!" he admitted.

The movie continued, as a masked bounty hunter brought Chewbacca in and claimed a bounty. Later, the bounty hunter revealed herself to be Leia as she had just freed Han Solo, only to be captured.

"Something tells me this wasn't well planned," Liam said.

"What makes you think that?" Vetra asked.

"I mean, they have Lando already undercover in Jabba's palace," Liam said, "Luke sends the two droids as a gift for getting back Han, which is a douchey move by the way, and when that doesn't work, he sends Leia and Chewie to get Han, and when that doesn't work Luke comes in to break them out." Liam pauses to make sure everybody got that.

"So why didn't they just have Lando get Han out?" Liam asked, "Or heck, why not just have Luke go in? He's perfectly capable of dealing this himself!"

"For that matter, what took them so long to find Han?" Kallo asked. The crew got into the argument over the logistics of this dumb plan that they even skipped the Rancor fight and the sand-speeder battles resulting in Jabba and Boba Fett's deaths.

"Actually another thing, wasn't there supposed to be another Death Star?" Gil asked, "What's taking this movie so long?"

Eventually, they reached Dagobah, as Yoda laid dying on his bed. Peebee sniffled as he disappeared.

"Man," she said, "I liked that little guy."

"Not to ruin your mood, but why didn't Luke come back to Dagobah after all-"

"Please!" Suvi called out, "I can't believe I'm saying this but let's leave logic out of this! I have a headache already!"

Obi-wan eventually showed up, and said the infamous line of what he told Luke was true from a certain point of view.

"I think you all have a saying for something like this," Jaal said, "That is bullshit." Drack chuckled.

"I like that!" he said.

In that same scene, Luke learns that Lea is his sister, mainly by saying it himself.

"Wait, wait, what?" Peebee said, "How?"

"No explanation," Sara confirmed, "Lea and Luke are siblings now!"

"And...they kissed each other," Scott said awkwardly. Peebee groaned as she rubbed her head.

"I just got this very disturbing image in my head about you and Sara-"

"Stop!" Sara said quickly, "Just stop!"

Eventually, the movie finally picked up in the forest moon of Endor and there was a pretty decent speeder chase. But then the Ewoks arrived.

"I'm sorry, did we just enter a different movie?" Lexi asked, "I thought we were watching an epic space adventure flick!"

"Wow," Sara said impressed, "I didn't you cared about this stuff Doc!"

"What? Because I'm a doctor I can't enjoy quality entertainment?" Lexi replied with a smirk.

The movie eventually picked up momentum, as Luke left the group to confront Vader and the Emperor, while Han, Lea and the rest tried to take out the shield generator, all while a massive space battle was going on. There was a scene where Han played the oldest trick of in the book by tapping a Stormtroopers shoulder getting their attention, to which the crew laughed at.

"You know, I can't believe I never tried that!" Liam said, "That would be perfect!"

Unfortunately, even with some of the crazy action going on now, the movie itself was rather uneventful. The crew was exhausted watching this movie, since there wasn't much to comment on after Suvi's near mental breakdown. So the rest of the movie was watched in silence. When the movie did end, the crew did give a small applause.

"Well, that was weakest of the bunch," Peebee said.

"It did have some strong points though," Liam said, "That final battle at the end mainly."

"Yes," Jaal said, "As someone who lost a father, that moment was...moving."

"Well, all I can say is that was still a fun run," Sara said, "So what's next?"


	4. ALIEN

**I couldn't go that in depth with this one, or most movies, for two important reasons. First, I don't necessarily have the time or patience to comment on every minute detail. Second, the observations from the crew are based on my thoughts when I see the movie, and truthfully, this movie terrified me. I was so hooked on who was going to make it and scared by this Alien that I didn't really have the time to focus on the tiny details. I did try to get the overall big moments though.**

* * *

ALIEN

The movie has a very interesting opening. It starts with an image of a planet's rings as strange markings appear at the top of the screen. Eventually those markings became letters, spelling out one word. Alien.

"Ah! Fascinating!" Jaal gasped in surprise, "Those strange markings formed the title of this vid!"

"Yeah, we got that already," Gil said, trying his best not to laugh.

Some more text showed up in front of an image of a spaceship, massive, gray, and clunky. The text stated the ship is called the Nostromos, a civilian cargo ship carrying 20,000,000 tons of mineral ore. It's run by a crew of seven.

"THAT thing is only run by seven people?" Cora scoffed, "That clanker looks like it needs at least a hundred!"

The movie continued to give us a detailed look at the ship. Something shuffled on screen.

"What is that?" Jaal asked, curious.

"That's paper," Liam said dumbfounded, thinking it should be obvious.

"Paper?" Jaal asked, "What do you do with it?"

"Wait, Jaal, you seriously don't know what paper is?" Sara asked in surprise. Jaal just shook his head. Even Peebee was surprised at this revelation.

"But, Jaal, everybody used paper back then! Before we got electronic digital pads," Peebee said, "It's how we used to write and draw stuff."

"There are still some modern uses for paper though," Kallo pointed out, "My team in charge of building the Tempest used paper for quick mental calculations and rough sketches."

"Writing and sketching on loose sheets of soft material?" Jaal asked curiously, "Doesn't seem practical. We draw on pieces of stone, wood, or our weapons."

Anyway, the movie continued. People had just awoken from Stasis and are having "breakfast" in the galley.

"Ah, the old days of space travel," Scott said in mock reminiscing, "When you could actually smoke inside a spaceship."

"For the last time no!" Kallo said annoyed, "I'm not allowing cigarettes on board since that would disrupt the internal air filtration systems and we'll all get lung cancer!"

Eventually the captain gets a call to visit Mother, the supercomputer on their ship. He enters the room, which is just a computer screen in a giant room covered in yellow blinking lights.

"Uh…" Vetra said, stunned.

"Even as a fan for hyper-intelligent machinery," Suvi said, "That's a bit overkill."

"Man, supercomputers were weird back in the day," Gil said.

The announcement is made that Mother wants them to investigate a signal on a desolate planet, so the shuttle begins to land.

"Okay Kallo, you're going to love this," Liam said, "One of the longest landing procedure in the history of space movies!" Sure enough, the process of landing the Nostromo on the planet was a really long one.

"Honestly, if I were piloting an old ship like that on a planet with very nasty weather, it would probably take just as long," Kallo said. Drack laughed and Liam groaned.

"Told you he wouldn't complain," Drack said triumphantly, "Now pay up!"

"Hey, I didn't know betting was going on here," Sara said playfully.

"Must everything involve a bet in this ship?" Lexi sighed.

Some of the crew exited the ship into the cold barren planet (to which Peebee had to ask why these old space movies focus on ice planets), while the rest stayed behind. A brief shot of Jones the cat was shown.

"So that's a cat," Vetra said intrigued, "I guess you really don't eat them huh?"

"Uh, no!" Cora said in shock, "Who would even think about eating a cat?"

"I would!" Drack said with a chuckle.

"Shut up!" Cora said rolling her eyes.

As the crew explored a nearby cavern, they entered a massive, seemingly ancient spaceship. Eventually, one of the crew, Kane, ended up in a chamber filled with strange eggs.

"Um, pro tip," Liam said, "If you find yourself in a room filled with hundreds of alien eggs, DON'T GO NEAR THEM!" Unfortunately, Kane approached one of them, and that's when the Facehugger alien popped out with a screech, causing most of the viewers to jump. Eventually, he was brought back to the ship, but the captain and Ripley got into an argument about actually letting him in.

"Sara, if I got an alien parasite stuck to my face, you wouldn't leave me outside would you?" Scott asked.

"Of course not," Sara asked, "I'd probably ask Lexi and the whole crew to wear their space suits first."

"I don't have a space suit," Lexi said, "You guys never gave me one."

"Well, Scott, you're doomed," Sara said jokingly.

The movie continued its course, with the discovery of acidic blood, and the parasite finally off of Kane and died. (Most of the crew held their breath and yelped at the fake jump scare during that moment of uncertainty.) Later, Kane turned out to be alive and well, and they have dinner together. Unfortunately, Kane suddenly started to convulse. As he lay on the table, the infamous Chestburster scene played out.

"Holy shit!" Peebee cried out at that moment.

"This is supposed to be entertaining?" Jaal asked in shock, "It's disturbing!"

"Well, I'm staying away from the galley for a while," Drack said. The Chestbuster ran off and the crew had to take a seemingly dangerous task of trying to find the thing. This eventually lead to Ripley, Parker, and Brett running into yet another fake jump scare with Jones the cat. Brett was tasked with finding Jones...by himself.

"Split up with a killer alien on the loose," Cora scoffed, "I can't see that going wrong anytime soon."

Sure enough the Alien attacked, but rather than laughing at the predictability, the crew was stunned at the massive, horrifying image of the Xenomorph.

"Well, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight," Peebee said.

"And people say I look terrifying," Drack said.

For the most part, the reactions of the crew to Alien is pretty much the same. It's terrifying! Even when they should be giggling or commenting on some of the ridiculous aspects of the ship, the thought of the Alien and how it was presented scared the viewing audience. Things don't get much better when the ship's doctor, Ash, suddenly attacked Ripley and turned out to be an android.

"Uh, are your synthetics that advanced?" Jaal asked.

"No, we never made human like robots like this before," Vetra said.

"The closest was the geth, but they don't look anything like us," Liam said.

"Although…there's probably Lexi," Peebee said with a sly smile.

"I'm NOT a robot," Lexi scolded.

"Kidding!" Peebee said, "Kidding!"

The movie continued, as a final plan with the remaining three commenced. Unfortunately the Xenomorph strikes again, killing the two other members save for Ripley. During the final act of the movie, in which Ripley had to outrun an alien and reach a shuttle before a self-destruct countdown, the crew could only hold their breath, and to their embarrassment, each other. Eventually, Ripley reached the shuttle just in time, and the Nostromos blew up. Thankfully, Kallo didn't make another "vacuum of space" comment this time. It seemed the movie was over as Ripley stretched and removed her outer suit, only in her panties and tshirt.

"Please don't tell me," Peebee said, afraid of what's coming next. The Xenomorph was still alive and on the shuttle.

"Oh come on!" Peebee said, "Why can't this thing just die?" Thankfully, Ripley was able to outsmart it, sucking it out of the airlock and burned by the ship's engine. The movie ended with a final monologue from Ripley as she went to sleep and the movie ends.

"I fail to see how this movie was supposed to make you happy," Jaal said, "I was terrified the whole way through."

"Well, the thing is, movie's aren't always about making someone happy," Liam said, "Movies are meant to help people understand or get through reality, with characters they like and worlds they feel connected to. Sometimes people just need to feel scared. It gives them an adrenaline rush and a feeling of satisfaction knowing that even in the most horrific of circumstances, there's a big chance of making it out alive."

"Deep Kosta," Sara said, "You ever thought of being a teacher for film?"

"Sounds boring to be honest," he finished. The crew laughed, satisfied that the horrifying experience is thankfully over. Well, almost.

* * *

 **Next up, the sequel. And then after that, a Jim Henson cult classic.**

 **Any movies you'd like to see me tackle in the future. Please let me know.**


	5. ALIENS

ALIENS

The title of the movie flashed, with the iconic thin blue letters and the glowing letter "I" that looked a little...strange.

"Do you think we should censor that?" Peebee asked with a snicker.

"Thank you Peebee for getting that image in my head," Cora said sarcastically. Peebee just beamed. The movie showcased a starry field as a spaceship flew across. The crew recognized it as the shuttle from the last movie, only it was covered in frost. A salvage team cut itself inside and found Ripley still asleep. Later, Ripley wakes up in a hospital, and a man walked in. He told her that she'd been asleep for more than 50 years, and almost immediately after Ripley started to convulse as a chestbuster was about to burst...only for it to be a dream.

"JESUS!" Suvi finally said after a period of frightened silence among the crew, "One shocking twist at a time!" The following scene showed Ripley sadly reacting to the news of her daughter.

"Damn," Gil said out load.

"What?" Sara asked.

"I just had this depressing thought," Gil said, "What if the arks didn't leave the Milky Way and we were still asleep for 600 years? What would it be like?"

"My mum and dad would be gone," Liam said sadly.

"My entire team that built the Tempest," Kallo said too.

"Yeah, it would be pretty bad," Scott said.

"I'm currently being reminded of my father," Jaal sniffled, "How he disappeared and never returned. Imagine how the daughter here must have felt."

"Thank you pyjaks for that moment of depression," Drack said, "Now can we just watch this vid please?" The conversation caused them to miss Ripley's discharge, but they did get to see the alien planet, now being terraformed with heavy rain. A couple and their kids head to this derelict ship, the same one where the Xenomorphs came from in the first movie, and the couple decide to investigate it.

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea!" Kallo called out.

"They can't hear you Kallo," Vetra said. And of course the couple get attacked by the facehuggers. The movie then has Ripley reluctantly accepting a mission to go with a military operation to investigate disappeared colonists. The man from earlier, who's actually a representative of the Company, is going along too.

"Yeah, he's going to betray them," Drack said.

"Stop it!" Lexi said annoyed.

"Stop what?" Drack asked.

"Spoiling things!" Lexi said.

"I ain't spoiling!" Drack said, "I'm just making an observation!"

"Guys! Quiet!" Sara called out annoyed.

We get to meet the military operation (which Liam said reminded him of HUS-T1, and Scott said it reminded him of Arcturus Station), and get to meet some of the characters including Hudson, Hicks, Vasquez, and Bishop, an android. They saw them interact with each other, the briefing that nobody took seriously ("I'm totally using that!" Peebee snickered when she heard the line "How do I get out of this chickenshit outfit?"), as well as seeing Ripley manage a robotic forklift ("Can't see THAT coming into play," Drack said followed by a glare from Lexi). They finally (after god knows how long) land on the planet, and spend an additional half hour (approximately) scouting the place. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Eventually, Ripley found the little girl named Newt, and a bond formed between them. Then the group entered an area where the colonists are thought to be. Ripley realizes that if a bullet strikes the tanks, the whole place would blow, so she asks Gorman to tell the squad to give up their magazines. He does, unsuccessfully as Vasquez and another soldier keep theirs.

"Why don't you just tell them that if you fire you all end up dead?" Cora said, "Seriously!"

Then the Xenomorphs attack. A lot of them! The squad tries to fight back, but to no avail, for the Xenomorphs mowed down most of them. Ripley, Newt, and a few other survivors managed to escape, and tried to call the shuttle for evac. But the shuttle crashed due to a Xenomorph that snuck in. It was there that Hudson gave his most iconic line, which Liam and Scott both decided to recite.

"Game over man! Game over!"

"I'm confused," Jaal said, "What game were they playing?"

"Huh?" Liam said momentarily confused, "Oh. Jaal it's just an expression. Another way of saying 'we're doomed' or 'we lost!'"

"Ah," Jaal said finally understanding, "Now I get it."

The group had to make shelter in a lab in the colony. They made a plan to defend themselves against the Xenomorphs, but the lawyer guy, big shock, had his own plan to not destroy the aliens and send one back home.

"Called it!" Drack said.

"That's it!" Lexi said angrily, "No more drinks for you!"

Things get more intense when suddenly Ripley and Newt get trapped in a room with a facecrawler, which they managed to kill just barely. Even worse, the Xenomorphs have broken through the defenses and killed Hudson, Vasquez, and Gorman. The lawyer tried to lock them out and fend for himself, only for him to get killed by a Xenomorph.

"Serves you right!" Cora said.

"He's a lawyer!" Liam said relatively annoyed, "They die so many times in these kind of movies! Look at Jurassic Park for instance!" The alien crew members looked at Liam strangely, especially Jaal.

"Note to self," Liam said after a couple minutes of awkward silence, "Show these guys Jurassic Park."

The movie continued as Ripley, Hicks and Newt struggled to get out of the facility, with the android remotely controlling a shuttle. During the chase, Newt gets taken and the plan shifts to Ripley having to rush in and save her, with only 15 minutes to go. The entire sequence was intense. You could feel the tension in the air. Eventually, Newt was found and Ripley ended up confronting the one responsible for the eggs. The Queen. It towered above Ripley, a frightening abomination.

"That is...disturbing," Jaal said. Nobody commented. They all agreed to it.

Ripley seemed to have destroyed the Queen and the eggs, and she managed to get Newt out and onto the shuttle just before the facility blew up.

"You gotta give these guys some credit," Liam said, "That whole sequence was 15 minutes exact!"

"Huh, when you put it like that, I guess it is impressive," Vetra said. So everybody was back aboard the ship, seemingly all is well.

"Don't tell me," Peebee said, "It's on the ship, it's on the ship, it's on the ship." The Queen was on the ship.

"Wait, how?" Cora said, "Wasn't she underneath an exploding factory a minute ago?"

Ripley got into a fistfight with the Queen, or rather she got on the forklift and fought her.

"Don't say anything!" Lexi said to Drack sternly. And the Queen goes down an airlock, officially dead. And then the movie just ends.

"Man that was probably the most terrifying and intense experience ever!" Peebee said excited, "Are there any more?" The human crew members were silent.

"Well…" Suvi said.

"I mean…" Scott said.

"Uh…" Sara said.

"The thing is…" Liam said.

"You see…" Gil said.

"They sucked," Cora finished.

* * *

 **Any other movies you want the crew to watch. Let me know in your reviews.**

 **Next Up: a Jim Henson cult classic and after that, a fantasy romance adventure that seems inconceivable. (Wow that was terrible, I got to stop with puns)**


End file.
